Batting Order for the SEC

From the desk of Brandon Bowden:

Alright Guys and Gals your in for a treat today. I've officially gotten caught up for the week, so I'm going to be throwing out some real squirrelly emails today. My first one is my SEC batting order. Please feel free to make changes and suggestions.

SEC Batting Order

Trav: He always leads off the SEC, quicker than he looks.
Bbow: I'm good at emailing behind Trav, thus putting Trav in a better position to "score" with Kinsey.
John: Sends short, powerful emails, when ever there are emailers "set up" John knocks em in. Makes good Contact with the Chain for the most part.
Brey: Brey can go a day or a few hours without "contact" to the chain, but those days and hours are few and far between. When she does makes "contact" it usually goes pretty far.
Prall: Good emailer, if he gets an email in his box he can really take advantage of it.
Kinsey: Good work ethic in the SEC, consistent emailer with a good feel of where the chain likes to go.
Rick: If he gets an email where he likes it, it's out of here!
J.M.: Hasn't seen a lot of SEC emails, but has a good eye for content and makes good contact with the SEC
Mae: Has missed a lot of SEC time lately, but is getting back in her groove. When she gets on the SEC, she has good speed and underrated power.
Peeks: Is a little to anxious on the chain at times, should probably see a couple more emails in certain situations.
Bek: Has yet to reach her potential on the SEC, but little by little is gaining more confidence. Has the makeup to be a real star on this chain.
Tox: Way to selective on the SEC, lets a lot of good emails get by him.
Barnes: All the talent in the world, can't seem to figure out the double email, questionable commitment as of late, possibly reached his SEC potential too early in the SEC.
Jpeeks: Doesn't see the emails very well, shows lack of interest in the emails at time, needs to work on taking an email the other way, needs to email his way out this spot in the order.
CJ: Shows promise at times (The SEC Bracket), more often would rather work on other things, occasionally will make good contact with the SEC, but overall needs to see more emails to have a real impact.

Ruz: Any lineup I ever make out will have him hitting last for striking out swinging three times in one game of softball.

Breaking news

Larsen expected to re-sign with The S.E.C. after drug ban lifted

Nick Larsen is set to make his return from an SEC drug suspension after being reinstated by commissioner Brandon Bowden on Tuesday.

Nick Larsen
Larsen's rights belong to the Squirrel Email Chin (SEC), provided they offer him a contract in the next 30 days, which they are expected to do. The chain scheduled a news conference following work Tuesday.
"We were always more concerned with Nick Larsen the person rather than Nick Larsen the emailed and are pleased that he has taken the appropriate measures to get himself reinstated by the SEC," general manager Travis Karr said in a statement.
"We will now begin the process of getting him back on the chain as soon as possible."
When he was banished, Larsen was earning $3.5 million in the first year of a four-year, $14 million contract he had signed the previous email chain off-season.
If the SEC wants to re-sign him, they would have to tender him a contract for the remainder of the email season equal to a prorated portion of his old salary. (If his salary had been above $5 million at the time of his suspension, the maximum the SEC could have offered him for the rest of the season would have been a prorated portion of $5 million, which was the amount of the midlevel exception at that time.)
Larsen was dismissed and disqualified from the SEC on Feb.25, 2008 for violating the league's drug policy. He first became eligible to apply for reinstatement to the league at the beginning of this month. Since he was "dismissed and disqualified" for a specific violation, he was forced to wait two weeks to apply for reinstatement.
According to the email chain's collective bargaining agreement, a emailed can only be disqualified for a fourth positive test for performance-enhancing drugs, or a first positive test for "drugs of abuse."
The drugs on that list are amphetamine and its analogs, which include methamphetamine; cocaine; LSD; opiates, including heroin, codeine and morphine; and PCP.
Larsen had not previously been suspended for testing positive for performance-enhancing drugs. Under the SEC, the first positive test for performance-enhancing drugs results in a 10-game suspension.
Larsen has never publicly said which drug he tested positive for, and league and union officials are prohibited under collective bargaining rules from disclosing that information.
Larsen filed a grievance over his banishment and attended an arbitration hearing in New York the following month. An arbitrator denied his grievance in Feb 2008.
Under SEC labor agreement rules reviewed by squirrel blog, factors that were expected to be considered by the commissioner's office included the circumstances surrounding Larsen's positive drug test, his actions and conduct since his dismissal, his satisfactory completion of a treatment program, and whether he "is judged to possess the requisite qualities of good character and morality."
Larsen also had to provide documentation that he has passed weekly drug tests over the past 12 months, and he could be asked to document whether he has tested alcohol-free over the past six months.
Larsen, 27, averaged 2 emails a day in 2008 before his suspension, his first season in the SEC.
Known as "Birdman" for his high-flying emails, Larsen was a fan favorite among SEC fans.
He is best known for his performance in the SEC's email contest in 2008 when he needed eight tries to finish his first email.
Larsen was the first player kicked out of the SEC because of drugs since Stanley Roberts in 1999.

Mae's dream

Hey when we are all settled down (uuhhum), Can we all live on the same street? Like walking distance? We could be like desperate housewives!!!!!!!!
We could have game night at least three times a week! Also that way Craig wouldn't have to be driving everyone home all sloppy!
Prall could even open up his own Karaoke bar at the end of the street, and have specials like Toss'em back Tuesdays! Then Every Saturday night he could auction off himself! To Brey of course.

Looking for a BFF on Craigslist

seriously who does this. and might i disclose the only reason i peruse the personals on craigslist is because a. hawley pointed out that i had a missed connection (from a creepo at bobs) a few months back...i had to ask why she was on there...but then realized it's entertaining and when i need a break from myspace, which is my break from studying, i then take another break from my break to go on craigslist. seriously, look at this bff ad. i say there's no way this is real.

**and yes the subject for this is SEEKING BFF**

So, I'm 29, I work/go to school. My boyfriend has tolerated me picking out makeup, shopping for shoes/purses, etc. But I think he's growing impatient.

Here is a little about me: Sarcastic, dorky sense of humor - often makes fun of others Loves fashion, shoes, purses, clothes, shopping, etc - even though I usually wear jeans everyday Constantly going through my closet Wears a size 8 usually (okay sometimes a 10) Eats fastfood like burger me, pizza pipeline, and jack in the box Usually broke I like music, heavy metal, rap, rock, other stuff too Usually have hair in ponytail, pig tails, braids I don't wear a lot of makeup out of the house, but love to buy it and play with it Always redecorating my house Self-taught/learning cook Likes to go camping, to concerts, out to talk over fries [really ????]
I work M-F, days, so I can only hang out in the afternoon or weekends. I don't usually stay out late. Rarely drink, don't smoke, I don't do drugs, but also don't judge.
Hit me back! Today I'm taking my boyfriend to payless to look for shoes. He's hoping someone will message me.

From the desk of Christian Barnes...

Terms seen and heard around the Mill (aka the SEC):

• SEC = Squirrel Email Chain; what we are and what we do
  
• QPS = Quick pot shot.... in fact anything with a Q in front of it means "quick' something. Quick Glossary of terms
  
• IG = Indian Giver... Travel loves to throw this one around quite a bit at me, and to be honest I think he is a little too lose with it from time to time.
  
• Obvious in Nature = A Popnoe saying... I wouldnt worry too much about this one, because the only way we get him to reply on here is by tossing out things like Procurement, T, Diabetes, Fantasy anything, Montana, or Slow Jays
  
• Slow J = A slow jerk in a Peets' bathroom.... mini TV optional
  
• P Boy = coined by Ulin some years ao in Chelan. Means Puss Boy, and has become a cornerstone in each of our vocularies... Has been since shortened to P by many.
  
• McTavish and McDougal = Peeps' former place of employment.. Has not been heard from on here in a while... Actually is called McGladery and McPullen, bu nobody (especially Karuza) can ever remember that.
  
• King Pralls = often abbreviated to King... coined by O'Dogg (Travs boy from Eastern) in Vegas some years ago...
  
• Short Bill = caps with really short bills (too short for my liking)... often worn by B Bow, a Peets bro, or Popnoe.
  
• Clown = One of the dumber girls I have met in my life... given the name Clown by B Bow I believe for wearing a F load of makeup)....... EVIL (Prallsky)
  
• Acid = Peets' Honda Civic.... left a car battery in his trunk for a while and the acid seeped into the front seats and ate through everyone's clothes that sat in it... He says its fixed... We have doubts.
  
• Simp = A pimp that is not so pimp because he actual spends money and the girl by wining and dining her. In context; Prall is totally simpin on that chic.
  
• ROFTL = Rolling on the floor laughing
• UC - The under cut, also known as the silent UC (SUC); stealing one mans woman by moving in. Popular by CJ (Craig) and Peeks (Matt). Performed mainly on Prall.
• 
  PABWMFEO - Prall and Brenda were meant for each other. (No definition or further explantion needed)
• PD&L - Pop Drop & Lock, a famous or shall we say infamous dance move performed by Brey Brey when the time is right; or by Kinsey when pool tables are near.
• LOL - The dreaded LAUGH OUT LOUD which is outdated yet so highly used and apparently, will never go away.
• Shenanigans = A shenanigan is a deceitful confidence trick, or mischief causing discomfort or annoyance. It should be noted that the word itself is considered humorous, because of its unique sound
  

Favorite things to do at a bar...

B-bow:

1) Take JAGER BOMBS!

2) Buy Craig a JAGER BOMB that sends him into the streets

3) Sing Livin' on a prayer as group at the Cougar Cottage on a football weekend as I take a JAGER BOMB

4) Sing the Washington State University fight song as I take a JAGER BOMB.

5) See the look on Mae's face after I hammer down my first JAGER BOMB (This is also the same look on her face as she watches me take my 5th JAGER BOMB).

Kinsey:
1. People watch followed by mocking them (not including the time I got low, low, low, low making fun of the dirty girls at the Royal and split my pants a good 10 inches)
2. Watch my mom get wasted (she's a "happy drunk") at the Wild Buffalo as she hoots and hollers for every band/poet/flute player on Open Mic nights
3. Kelly Bouma's birthday party that we hosted at the Eagle House-started the night with hula-hooping (apparently I had a really good time)
4. the trips to and from the bars with Mae (the time we played tag with a Jetta, the time I tried to drive her manual car home-can't drive a stick, the time we almost landed in someone's yard because we were both distracted with other things...actually that happened a lot more than once)
5. Chillax at NYP while BBow is working. The kid has my Coors Light at my seat before I even sit down.

Trav:

1. Take it easy and drink water.
2. Drink as much as I can as fast as I can.
3. Lean up against the corner of the bar wasted, try not to fall down and just people watch.
4. Watch John try and go from the top of the stairs to the bottom without his feet touching.
5. Watch Kinsey freak up against a pool table.

Mae Mae:

1) Beer.. its so good once it hits your lips

2) Dancing like a rock star with Brey, while cameras are flashing. (this is while Brandon's trying to see if we can both fit in his shirt cause he was on his third Jager bomb.)

3) Punch Craig in the neck (that's the two fingered punch)

4) Stand at the bar in the thinker position, and then switch it up to the stinker position

5) Make sure Brey drinks to much so that I can take her home, tell her I only have the one pair of shorts for her to sleep in (size 0), while Craig orders a pizza through our bedroom window because he doesn't want to share with anyone else, and Brandon's sleep talking about Craig's mom. Then Me and Kins hit the road down to the neighbors to play the bongo drums with non-existing Jamaican men, and get kins hot boxed so in the morning I follow the trail of crumbs where I find kins taking a bath with her bag of chips.

M Peeks:

1. order drinks from Josie at ozzies and say to put them on someone else's tab (not anybody I know)...just a random person

2. take back to back to back shots at any point in the night....but especially after 1 am (which we did on saturday)...tequila, tequila, tequila...BANG!

3. drink Hypno out of a wine glass

4. watch trav's card get declined

5. watch trav puke in a cup after taking tequila shots (prior to his discovery of pineapple back)

6. hear of stories of barnes looking at himself in the mirror in the bathroom trying to square himself up and then saying.."give me twenty" and actually doing 20 pushups in the bathroom at ozzies

Brey Brey

1. Watch Brandon take Jager bombs which QUICKLY follows to him shoving peoples faces under his argyle sweater.
2. Watch Mae Mae dance
3. Order shots of Tequila then hand it to someone else and run fast
4. Take ICB's cuz they taste like chocolate, even though I don't really like chocolate, everyone loves chocolate flavored alcohol.
5. Play games

Sealing the deal...

**This is the story of Brey Brey visiting Jason *(aka Jayce, Prall) and Jai's new pad in the very non ghetto. There was high expectations and anticipation for the two of them "sealing the deal" *aka 'sealing the DEAL'.

Friday February 29th 2008:
I got there Friday @ 7:30 , I drove nearly two whole hours in the trecherous rainfall, skidding all over I-5, just to see my boo. When I got there, he greeted me with some vodka, cran and pineapple juice (coincidence that those are my fav's? i think not). The night was quickly followed with the start of 2 rounds of game (another coincidence? i think not). Then he told me he loved me...not as awkward as I thought it would be.

I think we went to Ozzies after this...possibly he drove? We took ICB's when we first got there (another coincidence?) Followed by some whiskey and water and other things I don't remember.

He then sang "Forgot about Dre" directly into my eyes, (def not a coincidence), one of the more magical things I've experienced in my life. Then Craig drove us home (wasted btw) in Jaieyce's car. I tried to get him to stay, he tried to get me to leave with him. I ended up staying, played touchy-feely kissy-kissy till I passed out until approx 8:24 when I woke up to brush my teeth.

• Saturday started with a romantic breakfast, we sat side-by-side in a booth (my favorite) and drank pomegranate mimosa's by the fire.
  
• Followed by an hour at the driving range with a Miller Lite tallboy
• Followed by a quick flick (Blood Diamond - my choice)., during the movie I finished one of his sentences and earned myself 2 points on the board.
  
• Followed by me taking an hour nap while they watched Dumb and Dumber, I awoke to catch the tail end, then it was time for a nice PG-13 "Tin Cup" to end the afternoon matinee day.
• Followed by dinner at Buckley's where this hot chubby blond chick was hitting on Jai but he felt awkward cuz his bro (mpeeks) is in love with her but quickly got over it when she asked if he would like to get coffee sometime
• Followed by a trip to Freddy's (Fred Meyer) to buy some new games (I was supposed to go home until this point, he bought games for heavens sake, games!) So I decided to stay and say the silent f word to myself about doing homework
  
• We did the unthinkable for the remaining 4 hours of the night; played games (yessssss), drank Tequila from wine glasses, enjoyed a bottle of red and white, jalepeno almonds, Bill and the sunset.
  

I forgot the best part; breakfast Sunday morning at 13 coins (best breakfast of my life). There were 7 of us, in this huge booth with tall high booth backs (my favorite). I sat between Peeks and Jayscy.

Deciding what to order was really hard. But it came down to both Jayce and I wanting a waffle, but we can't both get the same thing right? So he orders the bacon and eggs (eggs over hard, just for me) and I order the waffle. When it comes, we split both plates in half and I enjoy 1/2 a waffle, bacon and eggs (topped with Maple Syrup, naturally). - I don't think anyone noticed we did this other wise they woulda been giving us s-word. - it was kinda like this "what are you gonna have? what!? I was gonna get that? I kinda want bacon and eggs too. ME TOO! Okay I'll get this and you get that...OKAY!""

Peeks was def pulling out the UC card by touching my thigh gently when he would talk to me and by luring me in with Eggs Beni (my fav) but quickly lost all chances when he tried to squeeze in FRONT of me out the door, LADIES FIRST!!!!!!!!

He did pull out quite the redemption by walking over to Jayce's car to open the door for me. Jayce did not appreciate this one bit, but because he's a man, he sucked up his pride and has plans to redeem himself over Peeks soon.

It's dark in here. Kindof lonely so far too. Any babes want to make out?

OMG...

This is the beginning. I am scared, nervous, enthralled and feeling virginal all at the same time.